"Am I allowed to have a comeback?"
You've repented and worked to restore what was lost, but nothing is working. What then?
David’s final years are haunting because they are mostly unknown. Extended narrative detail follows him from childhood through the last of his wars to establish the united kingdom of Israel, but once he suffers the consequences of his great sin with Bathsheba, the Bible rotates more into an abstract collection of stories about his final days.
When studying his Psalms, it’s impossible to miss the regret he has for mistakes and the longing to make things right. You can practically hear his teardrops splash the parchment as he writes Psalm 13:
How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.
The feeling of being forgotten by God is universal. If you haven’t felt it yet, be patient—you will.
If David—a man who walked among the 'stones of fire’ when it came to being in God’s presence—can succumb to despair, you and I stand no chance.
It’s actually pretty easy to give up hope of making a comeback, because you can simply say, “I deserve to fail,” and be done. Because we do deserve it.
A number of years ago, I was caught up in trying to bring a grand vision to life about how these Old Testament stories can be told on film. I always meant well, but in my desperation at how slow the pace was, I started taking the initiative away from God’s perfect timing.
I made one terrible mistake after another, hurt many people, and will probably have the shadow of consequences on me the rest of my life. At my lowest point, my life was quite truly saved by my wife and a handful of friends. I didn’t deserve their compassion and forgiveness. I had dug myself such a hole that it looked impossible to ever emerge from it. I was certain that I had dishonored the Name of the Lord so much that he would ensure my own name would be ruined forever.
At rock bottom, I can remember moaning from the deepest depths of my heart to Christ, “Please don’t let this be how it ends. Please restore those I hurt. Please let me make a comeback and be a story of your redemption power.”
I know in that broken place that I heard him say something like, “You will. But it will hurt for a while.”
Hurt it did. It still does. Until I can finish making everything right, it should hurt, because I hurt many.
But the worst part isn’t the hurt itself. It’s the temptation to believe that there will never be a comeback story of redemption in my life because God wants to deny it to me in his justice.
What is your story? Have you demonstrated an epic ability to squander your life?
Do you carry ongoing shadows of guilt and shame that you find unbearable at times?
David knew those dark nights as well. In fact, I think the destruction wrought after his sin during the Bathsheba/Uriah episode left him a pale shell of a man.
But God gave him a comeback story. You can find it in 1 Chronicles 28. I am moved every time time I read the passage.
The comeback for David involves redeeming his legacy through his son, Solomon. The Lord had told David he would not be able to build the temple (a subject for another post), but Solomon would. David realized that the Lord had not forbidden him from preparing to build the temple, and that’s exactly what he did.
Lumber, stone, precious jewels, all kinds of resources from all of the lands David had conquered for the Lord in his lifetime were stockpiled. Plans were drawn up.
I love David. I love his story. If God allows me, I will finish my career trying to bring it to life for people. And there are few moments in his life I love more than the image of an elderly David standing next to his young son Solomon and showing him page after page of temple plans, pouring out his ferocious passion for Yahweh in the guidance he is giving the impressionable teenager. It’s a scene I can’t wait to finish writing in “Twilight of War.”
David never saw the temple built in his lifetime. We may never see full restoration of our pasts in spite of all human effort. This is where God’s justice comes in. He always forgives the sin, but earthly justice is dispensed at his prerogative. There’s no easy way to accept that except by trusting his disciplining hand.
But…God empowers your comeback if you know where to look for it.
It might be in your children. It might be someone you influence in your community. It might be in something else unexpected. The simple fact that you woke up this morning to read this post is proof that he is doing something in your life. When you are done with your earthly race, you’ll die. Pretty simple.
If we’re still alive, then the only answer is to keep fighting. Keep trusting. Keep hoping.
Praise and arrows.