"O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention. A kingdom for a stage, princes to act, and monarchs to behold the swelling scene!"
-Henry V
With those opening words, Shakespeare captured the artist's deepest yearning. In the context of the play, it is meant to beg forgiveness of the audience for not actually being able to stage the Battle of Agincourt due to the limitations of a tiny theater.
But I think it also speaks to the endless frustration of anyone attempting to create. The painter stares at the blank canvas. The filmmaker looks through a small aperture. The writer sees the blinking cursor. It's hard. You want your reader to feel it. You want them to smell the woodsmoke of campfires and taste the salt from tears on mud-soaked battlefields. Anyone who's really trying will admit it—creating something with passion is not "fun."
Sometimes I get asked if I enjoy writing. My answer usually surprises folks: I don't enjoy it at all.
It took me a long time to admit that. I thought it would sound like I was ungrateful to have been given the chance to put words on paper and then see them published, because that wasn't the case at all. I am deeply, profoundly humbled that so many of you have enjoyed my work and been blessed by it.
But it's not fun. I’ve made plenty of messes in pursuit of the vision of helping the Old Testament war stories come to life for men. Trying to patch together time for writing in between jobs and family commitments is difficult. Getting into the mindset is the hardest part of all; conjuring a world of 3,000 years ago while trying to move freight trains full of coal between Montana and Wyoming was disruptive.
Again, no complaints here. I have been unfathomably blessed, and shown unfathomable mercy.
The fact that I am approaching the finish line of writing this series is due to the grace of God and the mercy of his people, and the intervention of a new publishing partner that has been a genuine answer to prayer (more on that soon).
I was thinking about all of this recently when discussing ‘calling with my kids. I'm not sure there's ever been a definitive version of this concept laid out for believers. We are 'called' to follow Jesus. That's it.
Too often it's tempting to believe that doing our calling means doing the thing we love for a paycheck. We think that if we're not actively doing that, we must be in the middle of a detour of disobedience. I certainly fell prey to this.
For a while there it looked like I was going to be able to write and direct a series of epic movies based on my books. Every sign seemed sure, there was favor, there were commitments from funders, a talented team assembling. All arrows pointed towards it. To top that off, moviemaking was the one job I knew would never feel like "work."
I was able to do it one time, loved every minute of it, and that remains the happiest I ever was on a job site. So, when the Lord changed direction outside of our own desires and will, it rocked me. Hard. It's taken years to get over it.
That dream isn't dead. It could emerge at any time, or it might be gone forever, but I certainly learned the truth that obedience to Christ does not entail getting to "do your passion."
It does entail remembering that there is an audience of One for your labor.
Working on a railroad and asking the Lord if I would ever get the chance to create again, I learned to better bless Him and thank Him for the good things He has given me that I do not deserve.
When I wrote the original manuscript for Day of War, I was working a full-time job I hated plus a part-time job I also hated, and also had a wife and two young children to provide for. I felt lost. I wrote it out of desperation. Out of longing for the chance to do something for a living I could actually love. I felt a burning desire to bring the stories of David’s Mighty Men to life for men, and that seemed like the path.
It was not a pleasant journey writing that book, nor any of them since. But breakthrough came when I felt like the Lord asked me one night, “If no one ever read this but me, would you still do it?”
Tough question. Easy to answer “yes” just to be theologically correct, but could I answer “yes” out of joyful obedience?
In recent years I’ve had to re-learn simple lessons from Sunday school: be thankful, and seek first His kingdom. I'd bet many of you are there too. You work a job you don't enjoy because that's what is required to put food on the table. For reasons unknown to you, the Lord has chosen not to let you do something within your passions that is also a career.
My heart here is to speak (write) a blessing over you.
I pray you are blessed by the comforting presence of the Holy Spirit as you sip your morning coffee and think about your day.
I pray you see the fruits of your faithfulness in this life, in the form of a joyful wife and flourishing children.
If you have no wife or children, I pray you find opportunities to be a husband and father to your community.
I pray that your workplace is better for you having been there. That the concrete was poured accurately, that the foreman was pleased, that the co-workers don't think you're a jerk.
And I pray that you endure til the day your heart comes fully alive with doing whatever your 'calling' may be—whatever that means.
I told my kids that their ‘calling’ may intersect with their trade or profession, but it might not. They need to learn early on that Christ will lead them where He wants to lead them, and that needs to be enough to satisfy them. I also told them I had no idea how to do that perfectly. It’s hard. We’re comprised of weak flesh and bones, and we see through a glass darkly, as Paul wrote.
The Pilgrim's Progress remains my favorite story. It’s the all-time “simple yet profound” narrative.
Christian, the main character, rarely feels passion for his journey; what he feels passion for is the destination.
When things are going well, the Celestial City is there on the horizon, boldly visible from a mountaintop. Some days it disappears into clouded darkness. Other days he glimpses through branches in the canopy.
And then other days he is trapped in the dungeon of Doubting Castle being beaten to a pulp by the Giant named Despair. No Celestial City visible at all. Convinced the King has utterly abandoned him in spite of his persistent faithfulness.
Finally he escapes and resumes his journey, but it Never. Gets. Easy. All the way to the end, he must endure and overcome. But when he gets there…wow. A more joyous picture of our heavenly welcome has rarely been written.
Your calling might give you great passion in this life. It might not. Just remember that one day you will get to the place where passion becomes perfect satisfaction.
One day you’ll cross the river. Put one foot in front of the other.
Praise and Arrows.